Child psychologists resoundingly agree that the most important part of discipline in a home is consistency between the parents. Most parents fall a little short of this, but when you hate your spouse, it's a guarantee you won't see eye-to-eye on the discipline approach either. So what does that get you? A bratty set of kids. Thrown in with all the disrespectful comments, eye rolling, yelling matches, and hatred children see between their parents, they also quickly realize that mom and dad don't punish in the same way, or see offenses in the same light. And they exploit this quite well while they employ the same nastiness that the parents use on each other.
It's a lovely lesson for the kids.
Tonight our oldest dropped her drawers and peed on the floor (an event that has never occurred before). While my idiot barely raised his voice (he just said her first and middle name, and then said 'let's go tell mommy what you did'), I had to threaten a spanking (not something I resort to often). You know, the usual good cop (daddy)/bad cop (mommy) routine. My husband is a total softie, which unfortunately requires me to balance him with a super tough-love approach to discipline. I hate that he puts me in this role, but I don't want to raise super brats either. So I am the Bitchy Mom.
A more supportive spouse would meet me in the middle, step up his discipline approach, and allow me to be a nicer mommy which would make me feel a lot better about this motherhood thing right now. Oh, why do I torture myself with the 'what if' game? The reality is that whether we're together or separated/divorced, I'll continue to be the tough one while he gets to play Disneyland Daddy.
Moms get the shit end of the deal much, much too often.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
You're Crazy, I'm Crazy
Being married to a lunatic will make you feel crazy. So when he yells, "but you're the crazy one" my new response is, yes, but you're the one making me crazy. I am sure, darned sure, that my idiot has some level of mental issues going on, whether it's ADHD or bipolar or something along those lines. Because he hates me, every time I point out that he exhibited another classic symptom and should get checked out, he just yells "you're the crazy one". Uh huh.
So let me tell you a crazy store on this guy. For nearly a year now, he's been hiding something in his vehicle from me. I don't know if it's financial records, or a prepaid cell phone where he does his dirty business, or "documentation" on me (during fights he likes to tell me he's documenting me, for the sake of a divorce trial of course), or maybe nothing but he just likes making me crazy, but whatever it is, he kept the vehicle tightly controlled for the past year. The spare key was hidden, his set of keys never left his pocket (he showered next to them, slept next to them) and any time I was near his vehicle he checked to ensure it was locked.
And then we put a new booster seat for the oldest kid in his vehicle, and the kid is smitten with it - it makes her feel like a big kid. So on Mother's Day, when the little kids weren't acting good enough for a public lunch event, I asked our oldest to go to lunch with me. She said yes if we could take daddy's vehicle. I said no, we'd take my car, and made a snide comment about how I'm not allowed in daddy's vehicle. My idiot immediately piped up, "No, you can take it, you can take it any time" which started another world war in my household. I asked him where he was now hiding the stuff, and told him he better not dare act like I was allowed in his car for the past year, which of course he did. I was furious, clawing my way back to reality, and he sat there innocently protesting that nothing had been hidden and I had access all along. All this on Mother's Day.
Seriously, crazy people will make you feel crazy.
I am still trying to determine what had been hidden for the last year. Somehow my idiot stays a step ahead of me despite his lower IQ.
So let me tell you a crazy store on this guy. For nearly a year now, he's been hiding something in his vehicle from me. I don't know if it's financial records, or a prepaid cell phone where he does his dirty business, or "documentation" on me (during fights he likes to tell me he's documenting me, for the sake of a divorce trial of course), or maybe nothing but he just likes making me crazy, but whatever it is, he kept the vehicle tightly controlled for the past year. The spare key was hidden, his set of keys never left his pocket (he showered next to them, slept next to them) and any time I was near his vehicle he checked to ensure it was locked.
And then we put a new booster seat for the oldest kid in his vehicle, and the kid is smitten with it - it makes her feel like a big kid. So on Mother's Day, when the little kids weren't acting good enough for a public lunch event, I asked our oldest to go to lunch with me. She said yes if we could take daddy's vehicle. I said no, we'd take my car, and made a snide comment about how I'm not allowed in daddy's vehicle. My idiot immediately piped up, "No, you can take it, you can take it any time" which started another world war in my household. I asked him where he was now hiding the stuff, and told him he better not dare act like I was allowed in his car for the past year, which of course he did. I was furious, clawing my way back to reality, and he sat there innocently protesting that nothing had been hidden and I had access all along. All this on Mother's Day.
Seriously, crazy people will make you feel crazy.
I am still trying to determine what had been hidden for the last year. Somehow my idiot stays a step ahead of me despite his lower IQ.
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