A Roof Over Our Heads

In all marriages, there's the small stuff and the big stuff that annoys.

Some small things I hate about my idiot (this takes self control to keep the list short):

• he never replaces things from our supply cabinet when we run out, like putting toilet paper back on the holder, or putting a soap bar back in the shower after finishing with the old
• he is obsessive about taking girl-length showers just to carve out personal time for himself
• he drinks Coke in gulps until he burps
• he forgets to use a napkin, and I regularly catch him chewing with his mouth open
• he plots his way to taking 25-minute dumps in perfect privacy (no kid interruptions)
• he has to spit into the toilet while peeing, and flushes before he's finished leaving a little hint of yellow in the toilet water
• he leaves lights on everywhere, and has multiple TVs on across the house at one time - he's just plain wasteful
• he still doesn't know how to use a computer, and in fact today I just noted he sent himself an email and didn't even realize it
• he leaves clothes strung all over the house, toothpaste globs in the sink, forgets to spray down the sink, and so on, but argues he's really neat and clean
• he doesn't use proper English (wait, this one isn't so small to me)

The big issues:

• he works too much
• he doesn't help enough with housework or cooking/grocery shopping (or the kids)
• he can't communicate
• he's selfish
• he's incapable of change/adjustment
• he doesn't compromise - he does things his way no matter my opinion
• he's disorganized and scatterbrained
• he's indecisive
• he only cares about appearances
• he is not financially competent
• he is untrustworthy and unethical
• he is not intelligent
• he refuses to acknowledge he might have some issues worth working on
  

So let's talk about his indecisiveness. A perfect example is from today, which required me to call our insurance adjustor to discuss a roof we still haven't gotten yet. And beg, beg for an extension on our insurance check money. You see, we're EIGHT days away from losing our insurance money for the roof, and other than having a roofing company, we don't have the shingle style picked out yet. Why? Because my idiot is indecisive. For those of you who have dealt with an insurance settlement before, you'll know this means my husband has screwed around for a full year, obsessing about our roof choice at a level even I can't comprehend. I like my house to look nice, but hey, a year-long roof decision?! Seriously?

Six months ago I narrowed our choices down to two shingles. It should have been a quick decision from there, with a new roof on the house within a month. I'm not sure what world he's been living in, but he's just now acknowledging that we're down to a choice between two shingles. And he's realized this with just eight days to go until the money is denied (mind you, technically the work must be completed by the roofer to get paid by the insurance company ... all in eight days ... ha ha ha ha ha). This is a perfect case of me letting the idiot manage something and disaster being the result. I gave him a chance to fail, and he failed. As always.

So here we are tonight, with the clock ticking, and no roof decision (he has not consulted me tonight about the final shingle decision, which means he has still not decided).

Procrastinate = It's too late.

I know I'm Type A, and live by high standards, and am decisive, but come on ... who other than my idiot would put us this perilously close to losing our insurance money?

And the best part of this whole day? When I pointed out his idiocy, he tried to blame it on me. This is his usual response - "it's the wife's fault". Or at least someone else's fault, if the wife can't be blamed. It's never his mistake. Never.

And he wonders why I question his competence and let him handle so few household affairs. Hmmmm. Let's think. Hard.

A therapist might suggest that it's my very assumption of his failure (and loudly communicating it to him) that is actually the cause of his failures. I have a hard time believing this, because when someone assumes I'm going to fail, I try my darndest to prove him wrong. I allow for my husband being wired so differently that he might just accept defeat, but if applicable here, at what point does a man like him say Stop! Enough! I have to fix this! ?

And let's say we end up with a roof and the insurance money in quick fashion - is that success? No. It's not, because we should have avoided this fire drill altogether by keeping an eye on the overall timeline.

And for the ultimate in "blame games" and indecisiveness, my idiot indicated during a fight a few years ago that it was I who pushed him into marriage and kids, and he didn't want any of it, and so now it's all my fault we're having problems. Hmmmmm. Do I even need to dissect the ludicrous nature of that for you smart gals? The implications of that one comment are enormous. He doesn't see any of this - our marital mess - as his fault, or his to fix.

And I married this guy.