I need your input on this article:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/06/17/tf.is.cheating.ever.deserved/index.html
The author implies that Kate (of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame) "deserved" to be cheated on because of her treatment of Jon.
Really?
I mean, on the one hand, I agree. If my husband is caught cheating (and likely is for the same reasons Jon might be), I'll think 'yeah, what else did I expect him to do?'. But on the other hand, I'll be thinking, 'hmmmm, let's see, the mature response would have been to take the bull by its horns years ago and address our marital issues, before it all got to the point of hatred, resentment, and cheating, but instead my idiot eschewed help and decided to screw other women.'
What's your take?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Guys Are Dumb
I've spent two days not yelling at my idiot. That is a record. A few cross words here and there have been uttered, but not the usual barrage of crap I give him. And I can tell he thinks things are great, things are much improved. Ha ha ha.
You girls know that when a woman hits this point, it means she has given up. It means things are actually taking a turn for the worse. And that's where I am right now.
I just need to make that phone call.
You girls know that when a woman hits this point, it means she has given up. It means things are actually taking a turn for the worse. And that's where I am right now.
I just need to make that phone call.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Who Is The Drama Queen?
Him: "It looks like the kid got knocked in the side of her mouth, and her teeth are all dead, they're all black. Do you know what happened?"
Me: "What?! What in the world are you talking about? If you really thought this, why wouldn't you have had me check her mouth tonight before putting her to bed? She hasn't gotten hurt at all, as far as I know."
Then idiot and older kid leave to talk to a neighbor, and I sneak into room to check kid's mouth. I braced myself for a bad sight, and what did I find? Perfectly normal teeth, a little grayish from normal tooth staining. Absolutely nothing to be concerned about. Nothing even worth noting.
My idiot is all about the drama. He loves to state everything in absolute terms - 'always' and 'never' are his favorites. As in this morning's comment: "you always get time to yourself. When do I ever get a break?" Not only do I rarely get time to myself, so he's delusional or lying, but he then had to add the whiny self-pity bit on the end. Which makes him that much more disgusting.
Me: "What?! What in the world are you talking about? If you really thought this, why wouldn't you have had me check her mouth tonight before putting her to bed? She hasn't gotten hurt at all, as far as I know."
Then idiot and older kid leave to talk to a neighbor, and I sneak into room to check kid's mouth. I braced myself for a bad sight, and what did I find? Perfectly normal teeth, a little grayish from normal tooth staining. Absolutely nothing to be concerned about. Nothing even worth noting.
My idiot is all about the drama. He loves to state everything in absolute terms - 'always' and 'never' are his favorites. As in this morning's comment: "you always get time to yourself. When do I ever get a break?" Not only do I rarely get time to myself, so he's delusional or lying, but he then had to add the whiny self-pity bit on the end. Which makes him that much more disgusting.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
$20,000 Big Ones
So my idiot, who consistently works too much, argues for the importance of his job over mine, and never, ever compromises his working hours for me, or sick kids, or anything else, posted a whopping $20,000 to our bottom line in 2008. Yes, you read that correctly.
Even accounting for a little 'cooking the books' (as he is a small business owner), and cash payments, I don't believe that means he made more than $35,000 last year.
You've got to be kidding.
I finally read our tax return the other night, and let me assure you that Jon & Kate Plus 8 style belittling has been the action in our household since then. Every comment I make when we discuss work is along the lines of "oh, so you can go out and make so much money today?" Mean and spiteful, yes, but oh so well deserved after five years of fighting over money.
I hate him more than I ever have. And I am determined to protect myself, and the kids, from his financial idiocy, one way or the other.
Even accounting for a little 'cooking the books' (as he is a small business owner), and cash payments, I don't believe that means he made more than $35,000 last year.
You've got to be kidding.
I finally read our tax return the other night, and let me assure you that Jon & Kate Plus 8 style belittling has been the action in our household since then. Every comment I make when we discuss work is along the lines of "oh, so you can go out and make so much money today?" Mean and spiteful, yes, but oh so well deserved after five years of fighting over money.
I hate him more than I ever have. And I am determined to protect myself, and the kids, from his financial idiocy, one way or the other.
I Know You Don't Like The Sound Of My Voice, But ...
We're in sick kid chaos. Sick kids suck, and sick kids cause lots of yelling around our household.
Saturday night around 10:30pm, one kid wakes up screaming - a sure indicator of an ear infection for this kid. Conversation goes like this:
Me: "If you want to get any sleep tonight, you might as well dose her with Motrin now."
Him: "OK, how much do I give her?"
Me: "1 teaspoon"
(Mind you, after 4 1/2 years of having kids and non-stop ear infections, he really ought to know this dosage off the top of his head too.)
Sunday, I take the kid to the clinic and get the official diagnosis. I pick up the antibiotics, drop her off at the house, and try corralling my oldest child to go to lunch with me (leaving idiot with the other two sick kids at home). It's before noon, barely 12 hours after the previous conversation. New conversation goes like this:
Me: "You need to give her both the antibiotics and the Motrin."
Him: "How much Motrin do I give her?"
Me: "Are you JOKING? I just told you last night. Do you remember? Do you listen? Do you commit details to memory?! How about you try to remember and let me know what you come up with."
Him: "I don't remember."
Me: "Try. This is really frightening, and as I've said before, you need to consult someone about this ADHD I think you have."
Him: "Ummm, 3/4 of a teaspoon?"
Me: "No!"
Him: "Ummm, 1 teaspoon?"
Sometimes, I amaze myself by actually thinking he should be trusted to be alone with these kids.
Saturday night around 10:30pm, one kid wakes up screaming - a sure indicator of an ear infection for this kid. Conversation goes like this:
Me: "If you want to get any sleep tonight, you might as well dose her with Motrin now."
Him: "OK, how much do I give her?"
Me: "1 teaspoon"
(Mind you, after 4 1/2 years of having kids and non-stop ear infections, he really ought to know this dosage off the top of his head too.)
Sunday, I take the kid to the clinic and get the official diagnosis. I pick up the antibiotics, drop her off at the house, and try corralling my oldest child to go to lunch with me (leaving idiot with the other two sick kids at home). It's before noon, barely 12 hours after the previous conversation. New conversation goes like this:
Me: "You need to give her both the antibiotics and the Motrin."
Him: "How much Motrin do I give her?"
Me: "Are you JOKING? I just told you last night. Do you remember? Do you listen? Do you commit details to memory?! How about you try to remember and let me know what you come up with."
Him: "I don't remember."
Me: "Try. This is really frightening, and as I've said before, you need to consult someone about this ADHD I think you have."
Him: "Ummm, 3/4 of a teaspoon?"
Me: "No!"
Him: "Ummm, 1 teaspoon?"
Sometimes, I amaze myself by actually thinking he should be trusted to be alone with these kids.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Discipline
Child psychologists resoundingly agree that the most important part of discipline in a home is consistency between the parents. Most parents fall a little short of this, but when you hate your spouse, it's a guarantee you won't see eye-to-eye on the discipline approach either. So what does that get you? A bratty set of kids. Thrown in with all the disrespectful comments, eye rolling, yelling matches, and hatred children see between their parents, they also quickly realize that mom and dad don't punish in the same way, or see offenses in the same light. And they exploit this quite well while they employ the same nastiness that the parents use on each other.
It's a lovely lesson for the kids.
Tonight our oldest dropped her drawers and peed on the floor (an event that has never occurred before). While my idiot barely raised his voice (he just said her first and middle name, and then said 'let's go tell mommy what you did'), I had to threaten a spanking (not something I resort to often). You know, the usual good cop (daddy)/bad cop (mommy) routine. My husband is a total softie, which unfortunately requires me to balance him with a super tough-love approach to discipline. I hate that he puts me in this role, but I don't want to raise super brats either. So I am the Bitchy Mom.
A more supportive spouse would meet me in the middle, step up his discipline approach, and allow me to be a nicer mommy which would make me feel a lot better about this motherhood thing right now. Oh, why do I torture myself with the 'what if' game? The reality is that whether we're together or separated/divorced, I'll continue to be the tough one while he gets to play Disneyland Daddy.
Moms get the shit end of the deal much, much too often.
It's a lovely lesson for the kids.
Tonight our oldest dropped her drawers and peed on the floor (an event that has never occurred before). While my idiot barely raised his voice (he just said her first and middle name, and then said 'let's go tell mommy what you did'), I had to threaten a spanking (not something I resort to often). You know, the usual good cop (daddy)/bad cop (mommy) routine. My husband is a total softie, which unfortunately requires me to balance him with a super tough-love approach to discipline. I hate that he puts me in this role, but I don't want to raise super brats either. So I am the Bitchy Mom.
A more supportive spouse would meet me in the middle, step up his discipline approach, and allow me to be a nicer mommy which would make me feel a lot better about this motherhood thing right now. Oh, why do I torture myself with the 'what if' game? The reality is that whether we're together or separated/divorced, I'll continue to be the tough one while he gets to play Disneyland Daddy.
Moms get the shit end of the deal much, much too often.
You're Crazy, I'm Crazy
Being married to a lunatic will make you feel crazy. So when he yells, "but you're the crazy one" my new response is, yes, but you're the one making me crazy. I am sure, darned sure, that my idiot has some level of mental issues going on, whether it's ADHD or bipolar or something along those lines. Because he hates me, every time I point out that he exhibited another classic symptom and should get checked out, he just yells "you're the crazy one". Uh huh.
So let me tell you a crazy store on this guy. For nearly a year now, he's been hiding something in his vehicle from me. I don't know if it's financial records, or a prepaid cell phone where he does his dirty business, or "documentation" on me (during fights he likes to tell me he's documenting me, for the sake of a divorce trial of course), or maybe nothing but he just likes making me crazy, but whatever it is, he kept the vehicle tightly controlled for the past year. The spare key was hidden, his set of keys never left his pocket (he showered next to them, slept next to them) and any time I was near his vehicle he checked to ensure it was locked.
And then we put a new booster seat for the oldest kid in his vehicle, and the kid is smitten with it - it makes her feel like a big kid. So on Mother's Day, when the little kids weren't acting good enough for a public lunch event, I asked our oldest to go to lunch with me. She said yes if we could take daddy's vehicle. I said no, we'd take my car, and made a snide comment about how I'm not allowed in daddy's vehicle. My idiot immediately piped up, "No, you can take it, you can take it any time" which started another world war in my household. I asked him where he was now hiding the stuff, and told him he better not dare act like I was allowed in his car for the past year, which of course he did. I was furious, clawing my way back to reality, and he sat there innocently protesting that nothing had been hidden and I had access all along. All this on Mother's Day.
Seriously, crazy people will make you feel crazy.
I am still trying to determine what had been hidden for the last year. Somehow my idiot stays a step ahead of me despite his lower IQ.
So let me tell you a crazy store on this guy. For nearly a year now, he's been hiding something in his vehicle from me. I don't know if it's financial records, or a prepaid cell phone where he does his dirty business, or "documentation" on me (during fights he likes to tell me he's documenting me, for the sake of a divorce trial of course), or maybe nothing but he just likes making me crazy, but whatever it is, he kept the vehicle tightly controlled for the past year. The spare key was hidden, his set of keys never left his pocket (he showered next to them, slept next to them) and any time I was near his vehicle he checked to ensure it was locked.
And then we put a new booster seat for the oldest kid in his vehicle, and the kid is smitten with it - it makes her feel like a big kid. So on Mother's Day, when the little kids weren't acting good enough for a public lunch event, I asked our oldest to go to lunch with me. She said yes if we could take daddy's vehicle. I said no, we'd take my car, and made a snide comment about how I'm not allowed in daddy's vehicle. My idiot immediately piped up, "No, you can take it, you can take it any time" which started another world war in my household. I asked him where he was now hiding the stuff, and told him he better not dare act like I was allowed in his car for the past year, which of course he did. I was furious, clawing my way back to reality, and he sat there innocently protesting that nothing had been hidden and I had access all along. All this on Mother's Day.
Seriously, crazy people will make you feel crazy.
I am still trying to determine what had been hidden for the last year. Somehow my idiot stays a step ahead of me despite his lower IQ.
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